Self Discovery

Can turning off our capacity to feel shut down our capacity to heal? Our nervous system is working on over drive, at some point can shut down due to overload?

For the many years that I spent numbing out and chemically functioning through life, either on anti-depressants, sleeping pills, over the counter meds, drugs, alcohol, yet I hid it so well. I was still “functioning” and “responsible”, still doing my job as a mother, wife, an employee, taking care of our home but inside felt lost. As I’ve mentioned before, in 2017 I finally gave in to meditation, (specifically a Kundalini Yoga meditation called Kirtan Kriya; a simple mantra repeating Sa Ta Na Ma while touching my thumb with each sound to each finger tip). I was so desperate to feel change, to feel better, was wanting to move away from substances and also needed to try something different it in hopes that my daughter would try it as well because at a young age she was experiencing anxiety (which really was my undealt emotions). I had no expectations, honestly I was almost wanting to say “ha, see it doesn’t work for everyone”. But out of the blue I began to feel different, calmer, focused, clear for the first time.

The part that comes next not sure everyone will experience but rather quickly my senses began to sharpen, heighten, unexpectedly one night I heard guitar strings strumming out of no where, I would hear my name being called, even heard a choir of angels after a silent 45 minute meditation, flooded with different smells, strange at first but then I began to feel a rush of love, elation, bliss, ecstasy. I had hit that sweet spot where I was in a elevated state of awareness. I felt so connected to God, to the Universe that I couldn’t wait to meditate again. Experience after experience of a mystical loving nature. I began to connect with Angelic energy, my highest self, just an all loving presence and felt so present in presence. It was a feeling that surpassed any drug, as if we know it is possible to reach that point of absolute and we chase it our whole lives through our addictions. And not just chemical/substance abuse but chasing the high that shopping gives us, that gambling, that eating, that relationships, that even stress gives us, to fill the emotional void. Except for a whole year I was able to maintain this feeling even outside of meditation. Not the elation part but a steady feeling of joy, nothing bothered me, I had reached a level of clarity. It was like my Divine mind, heart and soul were all in alignment with God, the all that is almost all the time.

And just like everything else in my life, when I thought I mastered that I moved away from Kundalini Yoga and honestly never tried the array of breath work it provides along with the science to back up why the sound current of the mantras, the hand movements, the breathing techniques help to reprogram our subconscious mind and nervous system to bring us to whole balance.

Prior to the Dark Night of the Soul experience in May 2018, I would say around February, March 2018 I began to have a lot of self doubt, fear began to creep back in, after I became attuned to Reiki and began self healing which in turn made me take a deeper look at what I could no longer run from, the lies I had been telling myself. See although I was doing everything “right” on the outside, I really had not done the inner work (a complete spiritual bypass) and on my soul’s path it required that I have a deeper understanding of my blocks. Kundalini Yoga, is the yoga of awareness combined with Reiki Energy healing there was no more pretending, no more tolerance for the false self anymore. Although I try to stay away from labels now, I didn’t know I was an empath, I didn’t know we are all psychically gifted, I thought only those that were worthy not me were so inclined. As the planet continues to shift we are waking up more and more every day. Our level of awareness will continue to feel uncomfortable unless we do something to truly bring balance to our whole system.

I’ve been told we have the technology to keep up with this technological time we live in, but this technology is within all. Through practices that use the breath, sound, mantra, stillness, movement, ways of working with the body, we can reach a level of awareness of Conciousness that surpasses any computer program because we our Conciousness which is the cloud of wisdom, our heart is the mother board, and our Soul and Spirit are the directors that orchestrate it all alongside God, the light.

Sound Healing Frequency

We are all shape shifting, with the way change is a constant in our lives. Rapid energy swirling all around, the Universe asking us to step it up. Not much that we have to do or that has to be done as we are being done whether we realize it or not. Change and new we all desired, especially since we are a culture of the instant, the “I want it right here and right now.” We asked for it, we pushed it forward and now we are in it and some may not know how to handle it. Making decisions can sometimes have us feeling our judgement is clouded, where do we turn when there are so many options. Options are good, aren’t they? Except now everywhere we turn there is a new way of eating, sleeping, meditating, working, parenting, sexing, relation-shipping, who is right? who is wrong? What do we choose? This is where we have to go within, otherwise we will get lost in a sea of options, sinking like a ship in decisions, constantly wondering did I make the right one.

Sometimes in this dualistic world we live in, we need to know what we truly want by having experiences that allow us to know the opposite of what we want. When we think about it whether we feel it works out or not, it is always working out. As long as we are not so attached to the outcome and believe this is the direction that is needed to take, our soul always knows and even then we still need to be shown what we don’t want to know what we do want.

So many ways to help soothe and heal us during this time of transition. One of the many ways I have found is sound, song, mantras. Human vocal cords, allow the sound to radiate, uplift, heal. Within all is a wave, a current when connected to the frequency (call it God frequency, Angelic frequency, a higher frequency of love, of light). The light connectors, the neurons in the brain begin to fire off receptors and are catching the light, they are in tune and tuning into a frequency that is meant for them. The act of pushing can feel unsure and create resistance, the art of allowing allows the energy of receiving to open up. We become the transmission and transmitters, dialed into the right station for healing, for joy. Meditation, yoga, breath work allows to open the pathways within us to allow our light to flow, fluid, clearing blockages of fear, stuck emotion, things of our past.

As the body and the Universe work in conjunction with the heart, with spirit, it is like the perfect sounding tuning fork of energy goes through the spine (as above so below), our cells, our system to regenerate and make new healthy cells and make our already healthy cells more vital and vibrant. As this occurs our frequency raises our vibration, we ascend into more love and more joy. We can get to a place that even as we are just living, being present, the work is being done internally. As we slow down in these moments be aware of the breath, feel the light as it vibrates within and all around, it reverberates out to your surroundings to find your vibrational match and the Universe brings forth synchronization through events, people and situations.

Going within is not new age woo woo stuff, there is truth, wisdom and science to back it up. But if you do not believe, try it for yourself. Give yourself the challenge of incorporating Kirtan Kriya (11 to 60 minutes a day for 40 days). I chose Kirtan Kriya because it is a super easy mantra and this is how I began my journey of self discovery. This is the Kundalini meditation practice that shifted me in ways I never thought possible. The shifts subtle at first and then BAM it’s miracles all over the place.

Kirtan Kriya (Short 11 minute practice by Nirinjan Kaur) There are also longer versions that can be found on youtube and online.

(I’ve included resources to further read about the benefits of Kirtan Kriya and why it works from other resourceful sites)

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/prime-your-gray-cells/201606/yoga-and-kirtan-kriya-meditation-bolster-brain-functioning

https://www.3ho.org/kirtan-kriya